Top tips of the DAY!

DON’T TEXT TOMORROW!

If your man beats you, tell Johnny all about it!! What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?? Nothing she has already been told twice. CONGRATULATIONS to Laur Laur and her woman beating, big huskey head on him fella!!! :L

bobomama asked: I will no longer follow you because of "Top Tip #3". Rape is a CRIME of VIOLENCE. It is NOT a joke or something to make light of.

Making jokes and making light of serious situations is how some people cope and move on with the horrible things that occur in our ever decaying and dark word so i am sorry you see that way.

You should never rape anybody unless you have a good reason to, like you want to have sex with a girl and she says no. I mean what are you supposed to do, not have sex with her?? pfft…

If you are having a good night with a woman and you manage to persuade her to come back to you lair, do not take a shit on the mood by producing a packet of discount shop condoms. There is no bigger turn off, except for taking an actual shit in her general area.

When you are planning to vaginally penetrate a female, trim your finger nails. If you are unable to trim your finger nails… go slowly and gently.

homiesexu4l asked: If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples, why won't my pancakes stick to the ceiling?

Well elizabeth, The answer is simple.. you need to put 3 apples on your face and an icecube in your bellybutton… or just use more flower in your dough…. or use sellotape. =D

Anonymous asked: where are you from? I am from Puerto Rico

IRELAND!!

Forgot about this! D=

Anonymous asked: You are terribly funny and clever. My daughter is an American going to University in the UK and the government is changing all the visa laws and will be kicking her out once she graduates. Will you marry her so that she may stay in the EU? Seeing as how our only real requirement for marriage (or any relationship in general) is a good sense of humor, you are more than qualified for the job. Thanks so much! - Your new mum-in-law xx

I am not ready for such a commitment! D=

Can you hear me?? NO its too dark!

Cut my life in to pizzas! This is my plastic fork! =O I like 1 2 3 4 5 different flavours of… ICE CREAM!! and i was told yesterday that i was shot but built like a Wardrobe!

If I had the wings of an eagle, and I had the ass of a crow, I’d fly over England Tomorrow and shit on those Bastards below!! Me on a drunken rant. I actually Like English people! haha